Cut the Bullshit: Toxic Masculinity
For years we have told our young boys that to be "a man" you must have these traits and these characteristics that were idolized. We see them everywhere. Movies, TV, magazines, teachers, friends, siblings and even parents enforce them. Boys and men cannot escape them, they cannot escape being told how to be "a man".
It's about time we cut the bullshit.
It starts at a young age. Young boys are told "Big boys don't cry", "You must grow to be a strong man", "Blue is a boys color", "Boys only wear pants", "make-up is for girls" and many other gender stereotypes. Boys are continuously told the importance of following these stereotypes in order to be accepted and admired. Boys then strive every day to make the cut, to be more "manly" every day, if they refuse to abide by these social expectations they often end up getting bullied. Bullied for being considered "soft".
Yes, "soft". Apparently for being a small build, having an empathetic personality or not being physically attractive and a list of other stupid reasons made you "soft". Therefore under the "righteous" rules of society deserved to be bullied. These "soft" boys then face two fates; either becoming a "man" under the "righteous" eye of society or remain to be bullied. The boys approved by society, then continue the path of toxic masculinity. They, too, will one day be faced with the choice to either; continue to partake in the culture of toxic masculinity or decide to not face the consequences of toxic masculinity and just aim to be a better human instead.
Once these boys turn into young men, the vicious cycle continues. Except this time, a magical thing called Puberty makes it 20 times worse. See, now teenagers are just wanting to be the best and want to fit into society. So they sink deeper into the twisted concept of toxic masculinity and fall victim to it yet again. Surprise, surprise. This is so commonly seen among teenagers, hidden in senseless ideas and immature thinking. Here we begin to notice the pattern of status and power. Apparently, the "righteous" society concludes that power and status are a measurement of manliness. So we start seeing young men's greed for money and power. Cause the more designer wear you have and the stronger your physique, the more fly you look and that folks is how you so apparently get the girl. Then another girl. And another. Suddenly you got a whole body count going, calling your mates telling them how hard you fucked them. They cheer you on cause you the "man" right. While the virgin teenage boy who's just trying to get through the day gets bullied for not being "man enough". He's looked down upon. Perhaps because he's "too skinny", "vulnerable" or "insecure".
What fuckery is that! But, it gets worse.
Because men are so accustomed to being told to keep their emotions checked and not to show vulnerability, they suffer extreme long term consequences. Yup, there are consequences for bottling up emotions. Firstly, bottling up emotions is extremely unhealthy and can cause random outbursts of emotion namely speaking anger. Secondly, because men don't want to be perceived as "weak", "vulnerable" or "soft" they refuse to get help for their mental health. Leading to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as drinking and substance abuse. Which in most cases later affects relationships with loved ones, pushing them further into their substance abuse. In worse cases, men may even become abusive to their loved ones while using these substances as a coping mechanism. Lastly, suicide.
Indeed, this is hectic. But incredibly true.
Men are most likely to commit suicide. According to WHO (World Health Organization) research was done in 2016 stating that there was a higher suicide rate among men than women. In Australia, men were 3 times more likely to commit suicide than women. In the USA men were 3,5 times more likely and in Russia and Argentina men were 4 times more likely to commit suicide. It has been linked to the fact that men would seek less help, therefore, putting themselves at a greater risk of suicide.
You might question the fact that this has been going on for years. Considering it was passed down from generation to generation and in-bedded in many different cultures. So the question would be; why is this a social crisis now? Well, to be quite frank. We don't necessarily know if it worked well in the past since we weren't there to experience it. However, I can tell you about the present.
Our world is rapidly changing socially. People are being encouraged more and more to speak their minds and express their emotions. How is it fair if we don't include an entire group of people in this. The concept of the importance of mental health is becoming more common and addressed. Mostly the concept of gender is changing and is continually being questioned. The concept of masculinity and femininity is being questioned. An obvious question being, why should men be masculine and not feminine or even an in-between. We say be you. Be yourself. But then contradict ourselves by telling our boys and men how to act. How does make sense?
The concept of masculinity is in some ways toxic. Forcing masculinity upon people is toxic. Being accepted in society as "a man" because you have a high sex drive, money, status, a built physique and not being vulnerable is toxic. One simply shouldn't have to have those traits and characteristics to be "a man".
The concept of making boys and men better humans isn't toxic. Should your son, for example, be considered "soft" by the "righteous" eyes of society. It shouldn't be a problem at all. Instead, forcing him to be more of "a man" is toxic. Teaching him to stand up for who he is as a person and showing him that being himself isn't wrong. That he doesn't have to fit in he just has to be his authentic self and lift others up with him.
The concept of toxic masculinity must end. We should have never strived to be "a man" in the "righteous" eyes of society. But rather strive to be a better human. Toxic Masculinity affects everyone, not just boys and men. Should men naturally have these traits, boss. Do you personally want to get stronger because it is your choice? Hit the gym. Have a naturally high sex drive? Chilling, just don't be a fucker and boast about how many women you've been with for social status. Naturally charismatic? Be well known and popular, just don't expect everyone to be like you or don't think you better than everyone else.
Okay, but what's your point?
My point is fuck the idea of masculinity forced onto people. Let everyone be who they are. Let boys and men share their feelings and insecurities. Let boys and men wear whatever they want to wear. Let everyone just be themselves and not be judged and told otherwise. Let everyone be themselves and may we accept them for who they are. One shouldn't strive to be a better man rather a better human.
Finally, my dear brothers. Talk to each other. Have deep conversations. Get vulnerable. This is an important part of life and something that shouldn't be seen as "weak". We are all human, we all have emotions. So let's have each others backs, life's a bitch. Don't make it harder for yourself.
Thank you for reading my article on Cut the Bullshit: Toxic Masculinity. It's a topic, I honestly feel strongly about and something I will write more about. I've added some links at the bottom should you want to read more on the topic as well as the Ted Talk by Justin Baldoni. Justin Baldoni also has a series called Man Enough that I encourage everyone to watch and follow. I have also linked episode one. Catch my new articles every Monday and check out my Pinterest for more.
It's about time we cut the bullshit.
It starts at a young age. Young boys are told "Big boys don't cry", "You must grow to be a strong man", "Blue is a boys color", "Boys only wear pants", "make-up is for girls" and many other gender stereotypes. Boys are continuously told the importance of following these stereotypes in order to be accepted and admired. Boys then strive every day to make the cut, to be more "manly" every day, if they refuse to abide by these social expectations they often end up getting bullied. Bullied for being considered "soft".
Yes, "soft". Apparently for being a small build, having an empathetic personality or not being physically attractive and a list of other stupid reasons made you "soft". Therefore under the "righteous" rules of society deserved to be bullied. These "soft" boys then face two fates; either becoming a "man" under the "righteous" eye of society or remain to be bullied. The boys approved by society, then continue the path of toxic masculinity. They, too, will one day be faced with the choice to either; continue to partake in the culture of toxic masculinity or decide to not face the consequences of toxic masculinity and just aim to be a better human instead.
Once these boys turn into young men, the vicious cycle continues. Except this time, a magical thing called Puberty makes it 20 times worse. See, now teenagers are just wanting to be the best and want to fit into society. So they sink deeper into the twisted concept of toxic masculinity and fall victim to it yet again. Surprise, surprise. This is so commonly seen among teenagers, hidden in senseless ideas and immature thinking. Here we begin to notice the pattern of status and power. Apparently, the "righteous" society concludes that power and status are a measurement of manliness. So we start seeing young men's greed for money and power. Cause the more designer wear you have and the stronger your physique, the more fly you look and that folks is how you so apparently get the girl. Then another girl. And another. Suddenly you got a whole body count going, calling your mates telling them how hard you fucked them. They cheer you on cause you the "man" right. While the virgin teenage boy who's just trying to get through the day gets bullied for not being "man enough". He's looked down upon. Perhaps because he's "too skinny", "vulnerable" or "insecure".
What fuckery is that! But, it gets worse.
Because men are so accustomed to being told to keep their emotions checked and not to show vulnerability, they suffer extreme long term consequences. Yup, there are consequences for bottling up emotions. Firstly, bottling up emotions is extremely unhealthy and can cause random outbursts of emotion namely speaking anger. Secondly, because men don't want to be perceived as "weak", "vulnerable" or "soft" they refuse to get help for their mental health. Leading to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as drinking and substance abuse. Which in most cases later affects relationships with loved ones, pushing them further into their substance abuse. In worse cases, men may even become abusive to their loved ones while using these substances as a coping mechanism. Lastly, suicide.
Indeed, this is hectic. But incredibly true.
Men are most likely to commit suicide. According to WHO (World Health Organization) research was done in 2016 stating that there was a higher suicide rate among men than women. In Australia, men were 3 times more likely to commit suicide than women. In the USA men were 3,5 times more likely and in Russia and Argentina men were 4 times more likely to commit suicide. It has been linked to the fact that men would seek less help, therefore, putting themselves at a greater risk of suicide.
You might question the fact that this has been going on for years. Considering it was passed down from generation to generation and in-bedded in many different cultures. So the question would be; why is this a social crisis now? Well, to be quite frank. We don't necessarily know if it worked well in the past since we weren't there to experience it. However, I can tell you about the present.
Our world is rapidly changing socially. People are being encouraged more and more to speak their minds and express their emotions. How is it fair if we don't include an entire group of people in this. The concept of the importance of mental health is becoming more common and addressed. Mostly the concept of gender is changing and is continually being questioned. The concept of masculinity and femininity is being questioned. An obvious question being, why should men be masculine and not feminine or even an in-between. We say be you. Be yourself. But then contradict ourselves by telling our boys and men how to act. How does make sense?
The concept of masculinity is in some ways toxic. Forcing masculinity upon people is toxic. Being accepted in society as "a man" because you have a high sex drive, money, status, a built physique and not being vulnerable is toxic. One simply shouldn't have to have those traits and characteristics to be "a man".
The concept of making boys and men better humans isn't toxic. Should your son, for example, be considered "soft" by the "righteous" eyes of society. It shouldn't be a problem at all. Instead, forcing him to be more of "a man" is toxic. Teaching him to stand up for who he is as a person and showing him that being himself isn't wrong. That he doesn't have to fit in he just has to be his authentic self and lift others up with him.
The concept of toxic masculinity must end. We should have never strived to be "a man" in the "righteous" eyes of society. But rather strive to be a better human. Toxic Masculinity affects everyone, not just boys and men. Should men naturally have these traits, boss. Do you personally want to get stronger because it is your choice? Hit the gym. Have a naturally high sex drive? Chilling, just don't be a fucker and boast about how many women you've been with for social status. Naturally charismatic? Be well known and popular, just don't expect everyone to be like you or don't think you better than everyone else.
Okay, but what's your point?
My point is fuck the idea of masculinity forced onto people. Let everyone be who they are. Let boys and men share their feelings and insecurities. Let boys and men wear whatever they want to wear. Let everyone just be themselves and not be judged and told otherwise. Let everyone be themselves and may we accept them for who they are. One shouldn't strive to be a better man rather a better human.
Finally, my dear brothers. Talk to each other. Have deep conversations. Get vulnerable. This is an important part of life and something that shouldn't be seen as "weak". We are all human, we all have emotions. So let's have each others backs, life's a bitch. Don't make it harder for yourself.
Thank you for reading my article on Cut the Bullshit: Toxic Masculinity. It's a topic, I honestly feel strongly about and something I will write more about. I've added some links at the bottom should you want to read more on the topic as well as the Ted Talk by Justin Baldoni. Justin Baldoni also has a series called Man Enough that I encourage everyone to watch and follow. I have also linked episode one. Catch my new articles every Monday and check out my Pinterest for more.
**Disclaimer:
I don't mean to offend anyone. Apologies if I do. These also do not mean this happens to everyone as everyone's life experiences are different. As a human, my opinions are subjected to change in the near future. But otherwise, I hope you enjoyed my thought process.
Links:
What we mean when we say Toxic Masculinity
Justin Baldoni Ted Talk - Why I'm Done Trying To Be "Man Enough"
Man Enough Episode 1 - Why Don't Men Talk
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